Time to retreat

 I hate writing blog titles. Perhaps that will help you forgive me for how silly mine are. I seem to most people (myself included sometimes) to love puns, and think I'm hilarious, but really I envy those ESPN writers and their actually catchy headlines for a pretty heavy percentage of their stories.

 

I'm already laughing at myself for including an emo seeming b&w self portrait so that you won't have to. Or, we can laugh together.

The retreat I am referring to is double-edged, retreating from war, and a retreat to shut everything else out and rediscover yourself.

Most of the people I surround myself with, (have coffee with, send my ideas to via email, stalk on facebook and twitter), are other creatives, usually ones that also beat themselves up over what everyone else is doing. One of my least favorite skills is the ability to excuse any shortcomings I feel instead of pushing myself to be that much more amazing.

I obviously have trouble being open about the trials of being a wedding photographer on my business blog, and I think it's a bad move for me anyway, because these very real feelings have no place in my client's wedding day. And it isn't about them.

Things like facebook likes (which I am needlessly addicted to) quickly become annoyances when I realize other photographers are the ones 'liking' me. The constant reminder of how many people are also trying to make a photography business work, that we are all stretching our fingers out to grab the same awesome intimate french and vintage magic inspired wedding is tough. I don't want to actively discourage anyone since I was in their shoes just a few years ago, being that annoying budding photographer, that's silly.

I feel myself becoming more guarded about sharing myself with the world, I guess I want my clients to feel like they have exclusive access to some secret, some magic, that only I possess. This is untrue, if you look at well established photographers who tell all, they haven't given away any magic, I still won't get the same images they do consistently, that's one of the things I've constantly seen lamented on Jonas Peterson's formspring. And I'm not one to keep to myself, I tell my best friends the same stories a million times because I'm hoping somehow they haven't heard this one. I'm a Chatty Cathy if ever there was one.

I suppose I just want to chat one on one with the world, be best friends before I try to take over their lives with my advice (as I am want to do). There is no perfect formula that makes someone a great photographer or successful, but there are traits and reasons you can find for some success. Some people are well-connected or otherwise have the opportunities to do amazing things seemingly handed to them. Some people are amazing at marketing, truly talented and gifted, and become super stars within just a few years, and you'll bitterly look at their images and scoff about how you don't think they are more talented than you are.

I say this more to myself than anyone else, STOP making excuses, stop looking at the success of others with envy, and instead try to create an experience for your clients that they will remember and tell their friends about. It takes a while and I don't think everyone is cut out for the difficulty of owning their own business, of selling themselves, of dealing with the responsibility of a wedding day. I do believe you should love love love it. Don't choose weddings just because you think that's where the money is, commercial photography is pretty banging as well, and if you hate weddings your clients will feel that.

For myself, I think I need to turn everything off for a while (not to say I'm dramatically quitting facebook or anything like that). I need a few days where I'm not plugged into what everyone else is doing, where I'm seeking out my own vision again instead of assuming it's a given. I want to step away from the heat of my laptop and sit in the woods. I'd like to think this is something I do often in my spare time, as if I'm a favorite story book character who is lovely and interesting, but I don't. I just remind myself that I could totally be that. I could read actual bound books instead of blogs with mostly pictures and I could develop my own film. I could run again, anytime I want. It's like I'm addicted to giving things up.

Here is my non-resolution to live again. This probably means more work for my intern (soon to be part time assistant), but hopefully that's a win-win.

This is Kelly, signing off-ish...

2012 or the last year on Earth

It's just funny to say, like Y2K was. Either way it's been pretty amazing so far. Just before the New Year I received 2 copies of Southern Living Weddings, which came out officially January 6th, which contained a spread with images from one of my 2011 weddings, which is one of the most exciting things that has happened to me to date. Meeting my husband might be a bit more exciting (teasing, of course it was, because the idea of a soulmate of any sort is far more rare than a magazine), but that didn't happen this year, so the magazine wins.

I hope I never have actual resolutions again. My personality resists them very strongly, and I have trouble planning things anyway (besides shooting weddings, and planning what to wear for big parties, although deciding what to wear for Airplanes & Blazers 2 is proving difficult). This year I started out blogging on my photography blog everyday while the husband was in Hueco, Texas on a climbing trip, and it was a lot easier then. Once he got home I just wanted to spend time with him. And sleep. I love sleeping. It's one of the only non-productive things I don't feel guilty about (with the exception of naps, which I don't take anymore for the most part). I am not a daily routine taskmaster.

What I am in some way committing myself to this year is being more organized. We finally moved (with the exception of a few hard to pack items that I'll be working on picking up this week) into a new apartment, and I've been in love with the additional bedrooms (we went from one to three), and additional closet space. I've been buying bins and containers and trying desperately to have a place for everything (and everything in it's place). I'd love to blame my messiness on my creative mind but at some point you grow up and excuses aren't useful anymore (they really weren't ever).

So here's to 2012, which is to be a year of washing clothes (HOORAY for having a washer and dryer at the new place, best improvement possible), putting things away (I sound like I'm talking about training a 3 year old), and getting help with my business to-do list. In June of last year I got an intern finally, and we became great friends, she left and spent a semester in London, she went back to college (bummer), and now I have a new intern who actually went to high school with the first. It's amazing. It's really fun sharing what I do with the next generation of adults, who are not old and 25 like me, I hope to steal their youth and laughter. No, but really, learning to delegate has been the best best best thing for my business. I booked 12 over my goal number of weddings that I set at the start of last year and in January I'm already only 5 away from this year's goal (I hope I make it, although I have a much more balanced expectation this year).

I jump around a lot, and that might be hard for one to follow, but I write these things for myself anyway. Tonight I shined my sink in the new place, an odd first step to making things happen that I learned from a book my mom has, though several years after she offered it to me to read; and I feel great about the things I can do from there.

Cheers to your new year as well.

25 before 25

I have a list of 101 in 1001 somewhere on this blog and I haven't looked at it lately for fear I'll become depressed at the number of things not yet accomplished (which is probably accurate). I'm also not even sure of how much time is left. **edit, I just checked, and I have until next October. Whew.** I should probably update the list as there are definitely items on it that I no longer wish to complete, or can't, or were far too ambitious. Like blogging a photoshoot once a week. Clearly I'm failing on that one.

Since I'll be 25 in a little over a month and that sounds like a terrible age, overshadowed only by 30 in awfulness, I feel like I should accomplish things, one last go at life before the age sets in. Apologies to anyone over the age of 25, I tend to be highly dramatic and I like to think that it's part of my charm (which probably means that it is only charming to me). I don't even think my parents are old (even though my dad just bought a Lincoln and was alive the same year Pearl Harbor was bombed).

Without further introductory rambling, here are 25 things that I hope to remember to make myself do in the next 40 days:


 1. Reach 1000 likes on Spindle Photography's facebook page.

(this is shameless, and we bloggers/social media addicts are usually pretty shameless anyway, we feed on comments and fake fame and being responded to on twitter. I'm surprised my husband lets me have the internet, or that he is willing to look past how opposite our views on being visible online. It's just gotta be love.)

So, if you want to help me feel happier about getting old and you don't hate my photography, you could like it (no one is asking you to love it, afterall), approximately 242 210 196 of you who don't already. I'd add some easy fancy like button but I don't know how to on blogger especially, so if someone else does and would rather donate that service than like my page I could accept that.

2. Read a book. Hunger Games & Done. Miracles.

I realize I sound illiterate, and I vaguely mentioned to Garrett that I wanted to buy a kindle kind of and he laughed and asked if it was to play mp3s and I explained that I thought I'd try to read a book by the time I turn 25 as if that logic follows. But, I have had trouble reading for fun since middle school really, I tend to busy myself with things and picking a book up long enough to read it all before I get distracted or eaten up with work of some variety has been nearly impossible. I have one on the bedstand that's been started, maybe it will be the fateful book.

3. Cook a meal dish

I'm going to allow myself a lot of leeway here, it can even be something I've made many times before, I just need to get back in the kitchen, I feel like that muscle has atrophied and I'll never get it back.

(Completed! I made lasagna last night (8-7-11) for my poor darling husband who had been eating sandwiches all week while out in Kentucky for a climbing trip. Nothing new and adventurous, but it felt good to make myself cook SOMETHING)

4. Use August to catch up! On everything!

I've only blogged 3 weddings this year. I've shot 14. Maybe number 5 should be to hire another intern. Lord.

5. Shoot and develop a roll of film. The pentax would be fine, I just need to do it.

6. Weed out old clothes I don't wear.

7. De-boxify the apartment (of at least the non-books, because I value my life and the books are not mine for the most part).

8. Take all of the old clothes to goodwill or consignment (or a clothing swap, if Molly Green has one soon).

9. Clean out the refrigerator.

10. Get all of my office papers out of the house and into my office where they belong.

11. Dust.

12. Clean everything else in our apartment up.

13.  Have people over in our newly cleaned apartment.

14. Revamp my photo blog in some way

15. Make a plan for getting the new Bham Bride up, running, and functional

16. Start working out regularly (a few days a week at least)

17. Buy/gather the fabric for the quilt I've sworn I'll make one day.

18. Hang up the framed photos I got for my cement-walled office (that should be fun and easy, yeah?) (DONE!)

19. Update my website with new favorite pics.

20. Photograph my grandmother, who will be turning 90 this August. (photos to come)

21. Giveaway something awesome.

22. Go out dancing (suggestions welcome, I have no idea of anywhere good to go dancing in Birmingham).

23. Do something relaxing. A movie, massage, pedicure, something. (Crazy, Stupid, Love, and DONE)

24. Make a video with my new camera (nothing fancy, and probably nothing involving my voice or any real editing. But maybe I can come up with something I would be willing to share online).

25. Do a styled shoot. Not sure to what extent, but it's time to force myself to do something different.

Coming up with 25 things was much more difficult than I would've thought, and I'm not even sure that those are all doable. Worth a shot.

Things as of late

Hello neglected blog and its straggling followers. Last year was slow and agonizing, and often I didn't blog because of how little was going on or because of how depressing the thought of doing so little was. This year I ache to blog but find myself half finishing the posts in my head because I don't have the time to commit them to text.

August is a break. The first weekend I'll be shooting a wedding (that I am very excited about, two academic types that I know could've been some of my best friends in high school, and the groom is the older brother of my intern Nancy, whom I have adopted in some sort of sorority sister type way that very well might terrify her), and after that I only have small sessions here or there. September (my mostly favorite month because of my birthday, 9-9), will turn me into an old person but also send me to Europe for the first time with dear husband.

And then it starts again but I am so smitten with the thought of being caught up and reading books and marketing again and maybe even a blog or two, possibly even here instead of just in photography land. Photography is amazing and I love it, but as an art form it is so hard not to examine yourself and find yourself to be beyond lame. Pets, cute babies, weddings, landscapes, sunsets, they aren't new or different or exciting as art no matter how many filters you put on them or how much you spend on a lighting setup. Those things are not for the world to appreciate anyway. In my estimation (after talking with my husband in depth about the matter yesterday, lest I take all the credit), portraiture and fashion are the only very genuinely new photographs, and mostly portraits, because they center around a unique person and not creating something simply pretty.

I probably sound dark today, I feel a bit dark but happy, a bit anxious. It's not like a lot of things are changing right now, I'm not on some huge self improvement kick yet, but every now and then there are a few little things that make me feel like I am becoming someone. I've begun to wear high heels much more frequently, and considered wearing something with some height for shooting, even though my clumsiness threatens that logic. I bought a pair of 5 inch heels that make me almost the height of a real person (I'm 5'2" and a half, I used to say 5'3" until I was always corrected, so please just give me that half inch).

I'm waiting right now outside on our porch balcony for the UPS man to deliver a new camera. It's one I've been dreaming about for the past few years. Every time I would see someone with it I'd feel a bit crushed that I didn't have it yet, but I also felt like it was an unnecessary expense and that I shouldn't want it. I don't know if it will completely revolutionize my photography, most likely not, but it has dual memory card slots to minimize card failure (such an amazing feature for a wedding photographer like myself), and video, which I will probably not use very often but my husband seemed excited about it. I'm waiting around like I used to for Santa Claus to come. I'd check once every hour, staying up all night, with activity books and tasks to distract myself with. This time there's a note on the front door of our building to deter the UPS man from just leaving a slip (I've never, once, gotten a package on the first attempt at this building, even though we are always home. They don't come up to our apartment, they just leave a notice, sometimes even inside the building as if to spite us. So, I'm camped out on our porch with my laptop, weeks worth of editing to work on, writing this blogpost.

I hate posts with no pictures so I apologize if you do too. I'm hoping to decide on 25 things to do before my 25th birthday (not a bucket list really, just a to do list to keep me feeling less awful about turning 25, it sounds so incredibly old to me, and I can no longer pretend to be any sort of prodigy, since plenty of people have accomplished amazing things by 25).

If you have suggestions for said list speak up.

If you seek some creative portraiture art from my new camera (see above if you skipped down to the short paragraphs and thus don't understand), comment below or something.

Bham Bride

I'm so excited with the new project I'm working on with fellow photographer, Morgan Trinker!

Being originally from North Carolina, it was really difficult to plan my wedding in a new place (Birmingham, Alabama), and especially since the online resources I found were lacking. I am very online-oriented, and most of the vendor websites I had seen online were outdated and unimpressive and the only vendor guides were subsidiaries of some larger company that surely knew nothing about the vendors that were paying them for advertising.

 Fortunately vendor websites have come a long way, but the lists that feature them are still really impersonal and overwhelming. We've got some really great ideas for creating an actual community for brides planning their wedding, and helping vendors out with knowing brides and communicating with them online.

Bham Bride will feature local events, giveaways from local wedding vendors, real weddings from Birmingham, vendor listings and features, polls and surveys, discussion boards, and inspiration.

If you are interested in contributing we want to hear from you! We'd love to have a large group of present and former brides (and vendors!) to contribute on topics of interest. Send us your thoughts or sign up to get involved! bhambride@gmail.com

Giveaway :: Personalized Bridal Hanger

I've been hoping to find a solution to the problem of photographing fabulous dresses on really un-photogenic plastic wedding dress hangers for a while now, and I finally found the perfect solution via Etsy! It's a surprise for my brides, and I love them! They are personalized with Mrs. and their new last name. Kara, the crafter behind the hangers I ordered, included a special one for me as well!

I'm so grateful to Kara's Kloset for offering one of these hand crafted hangers to a lucky reader! The personalized hangers can be personalized with up to 12 characters, and are a really clever idea for brides and their bridesmaids (your photographer will thank you!). 


Kara is also extended a 10% discount to dash pinch smidgen readers, just use the code DASHPINCHSMIDGEN10 when you place your order!

To enter to win one (1) personalized hanger, please leave a comment below with the detail you  For extra entries head over to facebook or twitter and like dashpinchsmidgen (or share a link to this post!), and report back below (add your twitter name if you choose to tweet!)


You have until Monday, February 7th to enter. And, go!

Hi Fi Fest next weekend!

If you happen to think of me as a celebrity (right?!) and you want to come meet me in real life...here's your chance! Actually, I really just want to push for Brides to make the trip to Huntsville for a really fun wedding event with a lot of  unique vendors displaying their craft!

For the specifics, visit Hi-Fi Weddings (an amazing resource for the music-minded bride and groom, btw). I might try to figure out a door prize to sweeten the deal, so if you have suggestions for a prize or if you plan to come and just want to let me know please do!


Also, in case you only stalk my personal blog, I'll be appearing as Spindle Photography. I hope to see you there!