Hello neglected blog and its straggling followers. Last year was slow and agonizing, and often I didn't blog because of how little was going on or because of how depressing the thought of doing so little was. This year I ache to blog but find myself half finishing the posts in my head because I don't have the time to commit them to text.
August is a break. The first weekend I'll be shooting a wedding (that I am very excited about, two academic types that I know could've been some of my best friends in high school, and the groom is the older brother of my intern Nancy, whom I have adopted in some sort of sorority sister type way that very well might terrify her), and after that I only have small sessions here or there. September (my mostly favorite month because of my birthday, 9-9), will turn me into an old person but also send me to Europe for the first time with dear husband.
And then it starts again but I am so smitten with the thought of being caught up and reading books and marketing again and maybe even a blog or two, possibly even here instead of just in photography land. Photography is amazing and I love it, but as an art form it is so hard not to examine yourself and find yourself to be beyond lame. Pets, cute babies, weddings, landscapes, sunsets, they aren't new or different or exciting as art no matter how many filters you put on them or how much you spend on a lighting setup. Those things are not for the world to appreciate anyway. In my estimation (after talking with my husband in depth about the matter yesterday, lest I take all the credit), portraiture and fashion are the only very genuinely new photographs, and mostly portraits, because they center around a unique person and not creating something simply pretty.
I probably sound dark today, I feel a bit dark but happy, a bit anxious. It's not like a lot of things are changing right now, I'm not on some huge self improvement kick yet, but every now and then there are a few little things that make me feel like I am becoming someone. I've begun to wear high heels much more frequently, and considered wearing something with some height for shooting, even though my clumsiness threatens that logic. I bought a pair of 5 inch heels that make me almost the height of a real person (I'm 5'2" and a half, I used to say 5'3" until I was always corrected, so please just give me that half inch).
I'm waiting right now outside on our porch balcony for the UPS man to deliver a new camera. It's one I've been dreaming about for the past few years. Every time I would see someone with it I'd feel a bit crushed that I didn't have it yet, but I also felt like it was an unnecessary expense and that I shouldn't want it. I don't know if it will completely revolutionize my photography, most likely not, but it has dual memory card slots to minimize card failure (such an amazing feature for a wedding photographer like myself), and video, which I will probably not use very often but my husband seemed excited about it. I'm waiting around like I used to for Santa Claus to come. I'd check once every hour, staying up all night, with activity books and tasks to distract myself with. This time there's a note on the front door of our building to deter the UPS man from just leaving a slip (I've never, once, gotten a package on the first attempt at this building, even though we are always home. They don't come up to our apartment, they just leave a notice, sometimes even inside the building as if to spite us. So, I'm camped out on our porch with my laptop, weeks worth of editing to work on, writing this blogpost.
I hate posts with no pictures so I apologize if you do too. I'm hoping to decide on 25 things to do before my 25th birthday (not a bucket list really, just a to do list to keep me feeling less awful about turning 25, it sounds so incredibly old to me, and I can no longer pretend to be any sort of prodigy, since plenty of people have accomplished amazing things by 25).
If you have suggestions for said list speak up.
If you seek some creative portraiture art from my new camera (see above if you skipped down to the short paragraphs and thus don't understand), comment below or something.